Thuda Kohler

Marianna Hewitt's Mom

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Shame on mom-shamers. Experienced their wrath? Share your story.

I have always been a career person first and foremost, all my life, even before I had my daughter, Marianna. When she turned 7 years old, we got divorced and shortly after that I was offered a great job in Germany so we successfully managed to have her split time between 2 continents... it was the most difficult decision in my life but we made it work! During this time I had experienced some wrath from a few (so called) friends as to why I left for my career instead of staying home close to my daughter. I must admit it hurt me somewhat but I really did not care about their opinion because they don’t live my life. My philosophy at the end of the day is, you have to be happy first before you can make anybody happy. If I’m happy in my career, I will be a happy person and therefore I can be the best mother to my child; And doing this will set an example for her when she grows up knowing that it’s ok to follow your passion and can still be a great mom.

If any line of work needs inspo, it's motherhood. What type of mothers inspire you?

There are many types of mothers, stay at home mothers, working mothers, part-time working mothers, etc. There is no right or wrong formula of motherhood. It depends each individual and their situation in life. For me, I believe that I can successfully have a career and being a good mother, too. My mother was an entrepreneur even at her generation (in 1930/40s) my parents had 11 children and she was THE BEST mother. She is my hero and my inspiration!

Sometimes we're all BAD MUTHAs (as we should be). When did you go against traditional advice? Better worlds start with better moms. How can the motherhood community improve?

Traditional advice: Breastfeed. Breastfeeding did not work for me. Some 'old fashioned' people gave me wrath because I did not do it, but honestly I believed then that formula is also as good as long as you give the child a lot of love and hold them while feeding them to create a bond. Well, my daughter Marianna turned out pretty good and quite healthy, so I don’t think breast feeding is that crucial.

The bottomline is: Just be who you are and just LOVE your children. Don’t stress out too much trying to be the best mom.

Better worlds start with better moms. How can the motherhood community improve?

In order for a motherhood to improve, you need to have a community of mothers to share the experience of raising children and to SUPPORT one another. This initiative is a good start! Remember, there is no perfect formula, what works for you might not work for someone else, and everyone has their own situation to deal with.

How do you like to MUTHA yourself and ensure you still have some 'me' time?

I honestly believe if I am not happy, I cannot be a good mother. So, it may sound selfish (to some people) BUT, you have to make time for yourself, be it as a career that you love, follow your passion in whatever hobby you enjoy, etc. Motherhood is a lifetime job, it’s not for a year, 5 years, 10 years... you are a mother as long as your children are alive, just think about it! Even when they are grown up and they think they don’t need you (oh but they do!!), you need to stay healthy mentally (making yourself happy by making time for yourself) and physically. If you don’t make time for yourself, you are unhappy and your children sense that, so that’s not a good idea. The bottomline is: Just be who you are and just LOVE your children. Don’t stress out too much trying to be the best mom. Love is the answer (sometimes tough love too when you need to discipline them).

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